Wednesday, September 14, 2011

If I could be any superhero I would be...

A good paragraph should have a topic/title, a topic sentence/main idea with with three sentences that support the main idea.  A good paragraph should end with a concluding sentence or a clincher! 

After posting your own paragraph please evaluate at LEAST one other peer.  
What did they do well? WHY
What can they improve? HOW

61 comments:

  1. Super Hero
    If I could be a super hero I would be invisible woman.
    First, I would be a member of the fantastic 4. If I was in the fantastic 4 I could help them if they get hurt. Second, I would have a lot of powers. If I had a lot of powers I could really help people in a good way. Thirdly, I would be invisible. I would like to be invisible because I could help people and then not get cot. As you can see Thats why I would like to be invisible woman.
    By Becca

    ReplyDelete
  2. If I was a Super Hero


    Did you ever wonder what might happen if I, Erin, was a Super Hero? Well my super hero name would Super Mega Girl and I would be the greatest super hero that ever lived. First I would have the power to grow to the size of the Empire State building. So, as a last defense, I would grow and squish them. Also I would be able to fly. This way if my enemy tried to make a getaway in a helicopter I could fly after them, and have an amazing chase scene without running into every one and causing car crashes by running in the road. Last I would use my cape to turn invisible so I could sneak up on my enemy and use his own weapon against him. So this would be the events that would take place if I, Erin, were a super hero.

    By Erin M

    ReplyDelete
  3. If I Could Be A Super Hero

    Do you ever wonder what super hero you would be? Well I don’t I would be Under Dog for several reasons. First, I would be able to fly! That would be cool because I would be able to see the whole entire town! Next, it would be cool to have super speed! So when I need to get to school I wouldn’t be late and I would be the best at tag. Then, It would also be cool is my super hearing. That would be great because I could hear a crime going on! One last thing that would be cool is that I would have super strength. It would be useful when a building fell on me. As you can see being Under Dog would be amazing!
    By Jalyn

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm A Hero!

    If I was a super hero, I'd want to be Wolverine for many reasons. One reason I'd want to be Wolverine is because I would have claws that come out from between my knuckles. I could use them to climb up things and fight. Another reason I'd be Wolverine is because I could heal myself if I get hurt. Finally, I'd be Wolverine because I could save a lot of people. Less people would be robbed and murdered. As you can see, this is why I'd want to be Wolverine.
    By Jaden S

    ReplyDelete
  5. If I Was A Super Hero .........



    If I was any super hero in the world I would be captain america for many reasons. First of all he has a shield that is like a weapon too. The shield is useful for protection and for any weapon. Next he is super fast and flexible. He can run almost as fast as a car! He can outrun anyone. Lastly he is the color of the U.S.A flag. I think he looks really cool in his red white and blue uniform. All in all if I was any super hero I would be Captain America. It would be fun and challenging.

    By Olivia L

    ReplyDelete
  6. One of the cool super heros
    Do you ever wonder what it would be like if you were a super hero? Well if I was a super hero I would be Spider Man. It would be cool. One reason it would be cool is you could shoot web out your wrist. I could use the web to get to places faster and web bad guys and. A second reason it would be cool is I wold have spider sense. The spider sense would warn me if a bad guy is coming. A third reason it would be cool is I could climb on walls. I could hide from bad guys by hanging on the wall or surprise attack the them or chase them. A fourth reason it would be cool is I would have super strength. I could beat up any body or a bad guy.As you can see, it would be cool to be Spider Man.

    By Zachary G

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am responding to Jaden's entry

    I think that you did a good job describing why you would be Wolverine

    I think that you could improve on your details. make it more descriptive on yourreasons

    over all great job

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am responding to Jaden's entry.
    I think you did a good job with your transitions.
    I think you could improve on a supporting detail of why it would be cool to be able to heal yourself.
    Post by Olivia :^)

    ReplyDelete
  9. My Own Super Hero

    Don’t you think that it would be awesome if you could be any super hero you wanted to be. I’m going to tell you about what super hero I would want to be my own super hero with my own super powers. First, One of my super powers would be to have the ‘ability’ to fly. I would want to fly because that way I could fly over the town and see if people need help or not and if they do I can help them. Secondly I would want to be able to have super strength. That way I could pick up anything that is in my way
    and move it. Lastly, I would also want to have the ‘ability’ to read peoples mind. That way I can tell if someone is mad, sad, happy and what there thinking. As you can see that is what I would do if I was my own super hero.

    By: Nikita

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am responding to Erins entry Ithink you did good on exaplaning your detais, I think you should look at the second sentance because a word is missing there. By zachary g

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am responding to OLIVIAS entry

    i think you did a great job with the details of Captian America's costume

    I think that you could use some improvement on your details. how fast can a car go? what kind of wepons can his thingy turn into?

    anyway great job :) :) :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. I am responding to Zachary G's entry I think you did a good job with your describing details and transitions but you could improve on writing webs not web but i think you did a good job.
    Your classmate Olivia :^)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I am responding to Becca's entry. I think that you did a nice job following the paragraph diagram format and using transitions! I think that you can improve your paragraph by adding vivid language and detail. How can you help the reader create a mind movie of your superhero? Also, describe the Fantastic 4. How would you help them: be specific! The more specific you are the better your writing will become:)

    Your Teacher and Friend,
    Mrs. Starr

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am responding to Jaden S's entry. You did a great job creating this paragraph, great format, transitions and details. An area you need to improve: You are missing a FUS on your second supporting detail, please add that. Overall, great work.

    Your Teacher and Friend,
    Mrs. Starr

    ReplyDelete
  15. I am responding to Erin's post. I love your paragraph for many reasons, but what stands out the most is your "voice." Your paragraph opens with a great hook and your use of detail makes me want to read more! I think an area you can improve is GUMS...please print a copy of your paragraph and let's sit down and proof read it together.

    Your Friend and Teacher,
    Mrs. Starr

    ReplyDelete
  16. From Jaden S
    I think Nikita did a good job with her transitions, but she made some of the sentences too long. She did a good job by hooking the reader and her details in her sentences.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I am responding to zachary G paragraph I think you did Great But... You Ended a sentence with the word "and" so you might want to go back and ease the 'and'. Other wise you did great.

    By Nikita

    ReplyDelete
  18. I am responding to Jaden's post:
    I think it is a good parigraph and I like the character you picked. One thing you could work on is doing more follow up sentences for the second esential detail.
    Posted by Jalyn :^)

    ReplyDelete
  19. One of the cool super heros
    Do you ever wonder what it would be like if you were a super hero? Well, if I was a super hero I would be Spider Man. It would be cool. One reason it would be cool is you could shoot webs out your wrist. I could use the webs to get to places faster and web bad guys and. A second reason it would be cool is I wold have spider sense. The spider sense would warn me if a bad guy is coming. A third reason it would be cool is I could climb on walls. I could hide from bad guys by hanging on the wall or surprise attack the them or chase them. A fourth reason it would be cool is I would have super strength. I could beat up any body or a bad guy. As you can see, it would be cool to be Spider Man.

    By Zachary G

    ReplyDelete
  20. The awesomeness super power would be x-ray vision. The first reason that would be cool is that it would help fix things. Say a car broke down, I would just turn on my x-ray vision and BAM I would know the problem. The second reason x-ray vision would be cool is that I could crack the code on safes. I could just look in the safe, see if there was anything I want, and then just look at the dial to see the pins and then just be able to tell what the code is. The last reason that having x-ray vision would be cool is that I could look for buried treasure. I could just look down and see if there was any thing under the ground.

    ReplyDelete
  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  22. My Own Super Hero

    If I wold be any super hero I would be my own super hero. First I would want to fly so I could fly to school or to work .Second what I would want to do is have super strength I could move my moms car so it wont get in the way when me and my friends play basketball and third I would want to hypnotize people.i would do that so I could tell anybody what to do and they would have to listen.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am responding to Jalyn's post. Great job! You clearly have paragraph writing down! I like how you opened with a clincher and used 4 essential details to earn exceeds standard on your paragraph writing rubric. An area to improve is your voice...an example of what I mean by this can be seen when looking at Erin's entry. See me if you have questions.

    Your Teacher and Friend,
    Mrs. Starr

    ReplyDelete
  24. One of the cool super heros
    Do you ever wonder what it would be like if you were a super hero? Well, if I was a super hero I would be Spider Man. It would be cool. One reason it would be cool is you could shoot webs out your wrist. I could use the webs to get to places faster and web bad guys. A second reason it would be cool is I wold have spider sense. The spider sense would warn me if a bad guy is coming. A third reason it would be cool is I could climb on walls. I could hide from bad guys by hanging on the wall or surprise attack the them or chase them. A fourth reason it would be cool is I would have super strength. I could beat up any body or a bad guy. As you can see, it would be cool to be Spider Man.

    By Zachary G

    ReplyDelete
  25. Super Hero
    Have you ever wanted to be a super hero? I did! If I could be a super hero I would be Invisible woman.I would be Invisible woman because She has a lot of powers. First, I would be a member of the fantastic 4. If I was in the fantastic 4 I could help them with fighting bad people. Second, I would have a lot of powers. If I had a lot of powers I could really help people in a good way. Thirdly, I would be invisible. I would like to be invisible because I could help people and then not get cot. As you can see Thats why I would like to be invisible woman.
    By Becca

    ReplyDelete
  26. My Own Super Hero

    If I wold be any super hero I would be my own super hero. First I would want to fly so I could fly to school or to work .Second what I would want to do is have super strength I could move my moms car so it wont get in the way when me and my friends play basketball and third I would want to hypnotize people.i would do that so I could tell anybody what to do and they would have to listen.

    by:mckenna :^)

    ReplyDelete
  27. I am responding to Zach g entry. I think you did a good job having more then three reasons. However, you did a bad job with follow up sentences
    ur buddy Robert

    ReplyDelete
  28. I am responding to Zack .G's report.
    I think He did a good first sentence, but he should of done his punctuation right on the sentence (I could use my webs to web bad guys and.) GOOD JOB, buddy. From Jaden S

    ReplyDelete
  29. I am responding to Erin entry
    I think you did a great job with your paragraph.
    But I think you need to work on your punkuation points

    Your friend Becca

    ReplyDelete
  30. I am responding to Olivia's post:
    I think you did a good job on the last sentence and your follow up sentences! One thing you could work on is checking your capalization and the hook on the first sentence! :^)

    ReplyDelete
  31. I am responding to Jaden S paragraph and I think you did a good job but... you could work on your beginging sentence and try to grab the readers attention. Over all I Think you did a good job on describing you deatails.

    By Nikita

    ReplyDelete
  32. i am responding to Robert entry i think you did a good job in explanation. I think you could work on explaining your details and your follow up details.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I am responding to Mckennas paragraph i think you did ok but you have a the word "would" spelled "wold" so you could fix that. Also you could work on your begginging sentence so it grabs the readers attention. Lastly you need a ending sentence and you dont have that. So you have alot to fix... But you did good.

    By Nikita

    ReplyDelete
  34. the coolest super power

    The awesomeness super power would be x-ray vision. The first reason that would be cool is that it would help fix things. Say a car broke down, I would just turn on my x-ray vision and BAM I would know the problem. The second reason x-ray vision would be cool is that I could crack the code on safes. I could just look in the safe, see if there was anything I want, and then just look at the dial to see the pins and then just be able to tell what the code is. The last reason that having x-ray vision would be cool is that I could look for buried treasure. I could just look down and see if there was any thing under the ground. This is why the most awesome super power ever would be x-ray vision

    By Robert

    ReplyDelete
  35. I am responding to Rebeca's entry.
    I think Rebecca did a good job with her transitions in her paragraph. She didn't spell some words right. he wrote about things that aren't true. Like she put Invisible Woman has lots of powers when she can really only turn invisible. GOOD JOB ;) from Jaden S

    ReplyDelete
  36. revised edition

    If I was a Super Hero


    Did you ever wonder what might happen if I, Erin, was a super hero? Well, my super hero name would Super Mega Girl and I would be the greatest super hero that ever lived! First I would have the power to grow to the size of the Empire State Building. So, as a last defense, I would grow and squish my enemy. Also, I would be able to fly. This way if my enemy tried to make a getaway in a helicopter, I could fly after them, and have an amazing chase scene without running into every one and causing car crashes by running in the road. Last, I would use my cape to turn invisible, so I could sneak up on my enemy, take his weapon and use his own weapon against him. These would be the events that would take place if I, Erin, were a super hero.

    By Erin M

    ReplyDelete
  37. I am responding to jaden s entry. You did a good job with transition words. You can improve on explianing
    YOUR BUDDY ROBERT

    ReplyDelete
  38. i am responding to rebecca's entry you did a good job but you didnt really explain and you spelt caught wrong.

    by:mckenna

    ReplyDelete
  39. I am responding to Erins entry. You did a good job with having a lot of detail It was a really good post
    By Robert:)))

    ReplyDelete
  40. I am responding to Nikita's entry. Nice job following the paragraph diagram format and including proper transitions. An area you can improve is adding another essential detail to earn "exceeds standard" on your project rubric. I would also like you to print a copy of your paragraph so we can conference:)

    Thank You!

    Your teacher and friend,
    Mrs. Starr

    ReplyDelete
  41. If I Could Be A Super Hero

    Do you ever wonder what super hero you would be? Well I don’t I would be Under Dog for several reasons. First, I would be able to fly as high as the C.N. Tower! That would be cool because I would be able to see the whole entire town! Next, it would be cool if I, Jalyn Collins had super speed! So when I need to get to school I wouldn’t be late, I would also be the best at tag and I could catch villains in a blink of an eye! Then, It would also be cool is I had super hearing. That would be great because I could hear a crime going on a mile away! One last thing that would be cool is that I would have super strength. It would be useful when a building fell on me when I was fighting a villain! As you can see being Under Dog would be amazing!
    By Jalyn

    ReplyDelete
  42. Super Hero
    Have you ever wanted to be a super hero? I did! If I could be a super hero I would be Invisible woman.I would be Invisible woman because She has a lot of powers. First, I would be a member of the fantastic 4. If I was in the fantastic 4 I could help them with fighting bad people. Second, I would have a lot of powers. If I had a lot of powers I could really help people in a good way. Thirdly, I would be invisible. I would like to be invisible because I could help people and then not get caught. As you can see Thats why I would like to be invisible woman.
    By Becca

    ReplyDelete
  43. i an responding to mcennas entry i think you did a good job in explaining. you could improve on your follow up details. Your friend zack g :^)

    ReplyDelete
  44. I am responding to roberts entry

    i think that you did a good job with your reasons by explaining what you would do with the x-ray vision

    would you want to be able turn it off?

    anyway great job :) :) :)

    erin

    ReplyDelete
  45. I am responding to olivias entry. I think you did a good job explaining why you want to be captain America. You could improve by Making it longer

    ReplyDelete
  46. I am responding to Olivia's entry. You clearly know how to write a paragraph...great format! You also did a nice job using transitions. An area you can improve is your use of vivid language and some GUMS issues. If you'd like me to proofread your paragraph with you, please print a copy and see me!

    Your Teacher and Friend,
    Mrs. Starr

    ReplyDelete
  47. I am responding to Robert's entry. I think he could of made punctuation in his title and his last sentence had no period. I think he did a good job because he did what his favorite power is instead of super hero. from jaden s

    ReplyDelete
  48. I am responding to Zach G's entry. Your paragraph is great! Nice structure and essential and supporting sentences. I would like you to start using other transitions besides-The first reason...the second reason and so on...perhaps First, next, then, also, lastly...
    Also, can you please print a copy and meet with me to correct GUMS, not as many this time as last...great!

    ReplyDelete
  49. I am responding to Robert's entry. Nice job overall, you've got the format and transitions down! Your paragraph may have been easier to write if you listed a superhero you wanted to be and 3 powers you had...but what you did works. An area to improve is capitalizing all of the words in your title and centering your title on pages. Another area you can improve is by using "most awesome" instead of "awesomeness," I don't believe that is a word. Lastly, I would like you to use more vivid language...release your creative and descriptive powers on this paragraph!

    Your Teacher and Friend,
    Mrs. Starr

    ReplyDelete
  50. I am responding to McKenna's entry. Can you please print a copy of your paragraph and bring your paragraph diagram for a writing conference;)

    Thank You!

    Your Teacher and Friend,
    Mrs. Starr

    ReplyDelete
  51. SUPER HERO

    If I was a super hero I would be superman .First, I could fly in the sky If I was in Nyc I could fly to new Mexico or any where. Next, I could have super strength I could fight crime by stoping gun fight and fist fights. Lastly, I could have x- ray vision and I could see stuff. As you can see, why I want to be a super hero.

    By Zack f.

    ReplyDelete
  52. I am responding to Zachs entry.
    I think you did a good job saying what kind of fights you would stop.
    But you need 1 plural fight.
    Post by Olivia

    ReplyDelete
  53. Super Hero

    If I was a super-hero I would be Silver Surfer. First, I could wield the power cosmic. (what ever that is) So that I could turn coal into diamonds. Could rearrange the atoms in the school and make it stick to the moon. (maybe) Secondly, I would be almost totally indestructible and could live without food, water, air, or sleep. I could shelf sustain my shelf by converting matter in to energy. I would be able to survive in vacuum environments such as outer space and hyper-space. I would be immune to extreme temperature and most radiation. So I could go live on an another planet. Lastly, I could fly at near limitless speeds on my board, entering hyper-space when I exceed light speed. So I could push the merry go round really fast! As you can see it would be awesome to be SilverSurfer

    By Kyle

    ReplyDelete
  54. Responding to Zack F.
    I think you did good with the fist fights reason. You can improve on gun fight needs to be plural, What would you look at/through with your x-ray vision? Why would you what to go to New Mexico? and why not stop wars instead? Also it was kind of short.

    ReplyDelete
  55. I am responding to Kyle's entry. I love your paragraph, it is creative and has great voice. You also did a nice job using transitions and you have a great paragraph structure. You can improve by correcting your GUMS errors. You may do this by printing a copy and meeting with a friend or proof read it with me (but please proof read it yourself first:). Another area you can improve is by adding a hook to your topic sentence. You can do this by asking a question.

    Overall, well done!
    Your Teacher and Friend,
    Mrs. Starr

    ReplyDelete
  56. The super T

    First I can fly and my weakness is kryptonite!Next I got super strangth and my other weakness is when I calm dawn.Then The border patrol called me to hellp them. last The people will be save. If I wuse a super hero you will be save. by tyler

    ReplyDelete
  57. Super Hero

    What if you could fly shoot lasers out of you eyes if you could be a super hero who/what would you be? If I was a super-hero I would be Silver Surfer. First, I could wield the power cosmic. (what ever that is) So that I could turn coal into diamonds. Could rearrange the atoms in the school and make it stick to the moon. (maybe) Secondly, I would be almost totally indestructible and could live without food, water, air, or sleep. I could shelf sustain my shelf by converting matter in to energy. I would be able to survive in vacuum environments such as outer space and hyper-space. I would be immune to extreme temperature and most radiation. So I could go live on an another planet. Lastly, I could fly at near limitless speeds on my board, entering hyper-space when I exceed light speed. So I could push the merry go round really fast! As you can see it would be awesome to be SilverSurfer

    (Note to teacher silvercat2 is my school acount)

    ReplyDelete
  58. The super T

    If I could be a super hero I would be Super T. First, I can fly and my weakness is kryptonite! Next, I got super strangth and my other weakness is when I calm dawn. Last, the border patrol called me to hellp them. The people will be save. If I was a super hero you will be saved.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Would you like to here what super hero I would want to be?I would like to be the Hulk. First I would want to be the Hulk because he is strong. Another reason I want to be the Hulk is because he can jump far. He can jump from sky scrapers to sky scrapers. Lastly he also can stop a missile. He stops a missile when the army shoots at him. As you can see these are the reasons I would like to be the Hulk.

    ReplyDelete
  60. I am reasponding to Jaden's post:
    You did a good job on your hook, detail sentences! You could work on your folow up sentences! But All and All you did a pretty good job!
    By Jalyn

    ReplyDelete
  61. I am responding to Jaden's entry. I think that you did a nice job following the paragraph diagram and including transitions. I think you can improve by adding a Title and a FUS to your first essential detail sentence.

    Your Teacher and Friend,
    Mrs. Starr

    ReplyDelete